Mind Over Matter
by Kazahana Yukina
Summary: He wouldn't look at her back, because it reminded him of the scars he inflicted against his will. Roy X Riza; FMA:Brotherhood


**My second Fullmetal Alchemist fiction. I mostly write FMA fics based on the Brotherhood series..and if I can help it, I base my knowledge on the manga too. This little piece was born from looking at the picture of Riza's scarred skin, and I thought "Well, that must have hurt a lot." Then another idea came "But it must have hurt more on Roy's side." After all, hurting your beloved would cause at least twice or thrice the pain to you right? **

**Yeah. I ship Royai. Very much.**

**Disclaimer: Yukina owns the plot, never the characters.**

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**MIND OVER MATTER**

_It was to protect him, he reasoned out._

…

…

He wouldn't look at her back.

No. it was his resolve. It all started out after the events of the Ishvalian war of extermination, specifically after _that _emotionally burdening and scarring event (literally and figuratively). Of course, who would have the strength to withstand the guilt of one's conscience? Yes, if it were other people, it's possible. But if it pertains to _her, _he was practically powerless.

As he stared onto his gloved hands, _with the embroidered array, _he couldn't help but think about the consequences of his doings. If only he hadn't come into her life…if only he was well enough to care for her…if only he was not the chosen one by her father, then things would be different and who knows? Maybe better.

The moment she had first stepped into his office, he already knew her decision: it was to follow him and help him get on with his biggest goal. And as he contemplated her willpower, as he weighed her philosophy about the equivalent exchange, he had ultimately decided that this woman was to be the one to walk behind his back.

It was to protect him, he reasoned out. To watch his back and the other condition was to kill him with her hands, her gun's own trigger, in case he veers off the righteous path.

But he knew all too well. He wasn't an idiot to know that the other _unspoken _reason why he had this decree was to prevent her from walking ahead of him – to prevent him from seeing her back.

It was his fault. Yes. It was his fault that she had walked on to the path of the muddy river murderers tread in. It couldn't be helped anyway. He was chosen. He was trusted. He was given the secrets she endured to have. How many days did it take? Three? Five? Or maybe a week to finish the encoding of the array. And it may have taken her a few months just speaking of the full recovery.

And yet, he, in his own gift (or rather curse) was the one who caused another round of pain. It was per her request, he reminded himself. It wasn't against her will…it was her plead – that she lead a life free from the burden her father gave her; she wanted to be just an individual, just Riza Hawkeye.

_Deface my back…_

He would never forget how she gripped the sheets…how she restrained her whimper…and how her eyes watered as she stopped herself from passing out.

_In the very least, I can prevent the creation of another Flame Alchemist._

And as unspoken as their first names are, it was of own shame that made Roy Mustang unable to even have a fleeting gaze at her, not unless she was facing him. It was a good thing to know that she might not even notice this gnawing thought of his.

A hand alighted itself on his.

Surely it was her, even if his eyes were locked on his hand…_their_ hands.

Gently, she took his on her own, and he let go, unknowing that it was balled up into a fist, creating creases on his famous gloves. He looked up seeing how serene her face was as she pried open his hand and took off his glove. Neither of them said a word but it was enough to make him understand. As he gazed onto her deep honey eyes, he realized that she knew all along and that it wasn't within her acceptance to lose him to it.

After doing so, she curled up her fingers against his, squeezing, reassuring, comforting and most of all, reminding.

And his mind went back to _that day_. No, not that haunting moment but the minutes after that

It was as if he could feel the hot air reverberating inside the tent, but beyond that, he felt how she grasped her uniform to her chest and her arms circled on around him. And he in turn pulled her closer careful not to touch the fresh injuries courtesy of him. And as his silent tears of apology fell onto her shoulder to the ground, he understood that he would never be able to change the fact that this was her choice, but above that dark truth is the reassurance that she was thankful, never held anything against him, and that she was his – his to treasure, and his to protect.

He closed his eyes, but not without seeing the small smile his lieutenant wore. The warmth of her hand seeped onto his, and if this was what she wanted, then he wouldn't go against it. He tightened his hold on her. And their silent conversation echoed through the office:

_I couldn't afford to lose you lieutenant._

_No you won't sir. I'll follow you even to the depths of hell._

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**The title "MIND OVER MATTER" means that thoughts are stronger than physical things, in this story's case is how Roy's thoughts are more painful than Riza's physical pain. I don't know how this came up as my title, as it is the first sane thing that came to my mind, but it seemed like the meaning is fitting. =)**

**The scene where Roy burns off parts of the array was inspired by the story "Triumvirate" by "Lady Norbert". If you ship Royai, then I suggest you go read that. Her writings are one of the best and beautiful Royai fics written here in .**

**And with all being said and done, once again I thank you for taking time to read what comes out of my deranged mind. =)**

**See you guys around!**


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